Lies, lies and more damn lies
It may come as a shock to learn that we were not always so beardy. We came into existence as bald as baby mice, our chins bare and vulnerable. But then, one fateful day, it all changed … our voices (and a few other things) dropped and we set about growing our man fuzz in earnest, transforming into the grizzly bear-like men we are today! Well, not all of us actually … the smallest of our troupe, despite her best efforts, failed to grow a manly mane. She silently wept, realising she would never be a genuine part of the gang. That was, until one cold and stormy night, when the gods bestowed upon her a MASSIVE strap-on chin wig (which now annoyingly gives our man hair a serious run for its testosterone fuelled money).
Over the years, as our beards grew thick and strong we noticed two serious flaws in our plumage:
They were as coarse as a rusty wire brush (complete with a crocodile skin handle).
They had an uncanny ability to trap every nasty whiff that wafted our way.
Not cool and the ladies liked it even less. Scratchy, stinky beards? … Not on our watch gentlemen.
So we set about handcrafting the most wondrous smelling and super nourishing beard oil the world has ever seen (not scientifically proven of course, but what do scientists know anyway?!). After exhaustive research, development, prototype testing, two minor explosions and one major, very sweet smelling flood – ‘Bear Face’ beard oil was born. Hoorah!
Our initial range includes three uniquely fragranced beard-loving oils – ‘Spicy’, ‘Fresh’ and ‘Sweet’. Each has a host of equally unique benefits, which you can read about on the FAQs page. We have also produced a ‘Bare’ unfragranced version, for those of you who like your beard smelling au naturel.
We are not gods, nor super heroes, we are merely normal folk (well, slightly abnormal hairy folk). You may, however, like to think of us as a band of beardy crusaders, a crack team of face fuzz adventurers, determined to fight the evil that is, scratchy, stinky beards.
We are not called the ‘Follicle Three’, nor ‘The Chin Fuzz Trio’, we are not ‘The B Team’ nor are we ‘Beard-Man, Chin-Strap-Boy and Bum-Fluff Girl’.
NO, WE ARE … ‘THE BEARD BARONS OF BRIGHTON’
Our motto: ‘To Protect & Smooth’
If your beard has a problem, if no one else can help, and if you know how to find us … maybe you can call (actually no, you can’t call). But you can email, or Instagram, or Twitter, or Facebook or try telepathy.
The Beard Barons of Brighton – we love it when a beard and oil come together.